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Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Living It Large, Volume II: Crash Dieting

For the first time in my life, I am attempting to lose weight. Maybe second...following a charade of a diet that lasted two weeks earlier this summer. After losing a riveting three pounds I went on a three month-long celebratory binge. So I'm pretty sure that doesn't count.

For anyone that knows me you will  be well aware of my diet. Bordering on malnutrition, my day-to-day sustenance is comprised of crisps and potatoes. After all, that is what Padraig Pearse would have wanted. After recently discovering that Mr. Pearse, was not in fact a dietician, but an Irish rebel I am pretty disappointed that I sacrificed six inches of height and good skin for no reason. 

Until now I have lived a rosy, guilt-free life. I filled my days with Supersize McDonald's meals and breakfasts of butter, up until the harrowing day when I was abandoned by my oldest friend, Mr. Metabolism. Like a comfort blanket, I clung onto him for dear life, but he was right, I took him for granted. So he left me. All alone and growing the wrong direction.

For weeks I waited by the phone. He never called.

But with the help of Whitney Houston and her inspirational words, I know I must face the world alone, sans my fried friends. With the self-control of a child or fat person, I will update my blog with how horrible my healthy lifestyle is, and hope that it will be an encouragement to achieve. Otherwise, I'll just lie about it...

Lettuce, the poor man's burger.


  1. Crash diets - the bane of my life. I've only done one and it was a juice fast. Oddly, I felt amazing after it but no weight was lost. I think it's probably best just to lose weight slowly - easier said than done though!

  2. Looooove this post - you've a great writing style. You're probably better off going for a healthy eating plan as opposed to a crash diet though. They're not good for you and you'll put weight on twice as fast if you abandon it. Start doing a bit of exercise and eating less crappy food and more fruit, salads, vegetables, etc etc and you'll probably notice a difference and feel better. I'm no dietician either but it has worked for me :) If you have an iPhone there are some good apps you can get to log the food you eat and it tells you how much % of your RDI calorie allowance you've used. Not good if you're the type to get obsessed but handy to understand what foods are more fattening etc. Good luck! :)


  3. Haha you're funny!.. You also sound like you're the exact same as me - crisps and potatoes, 3month long celebratory binges!
    Today I've gone crazy with the scissors cutting out pictures of Rihanna for a get-slim inspiration board - instead of actually working on getting slim!

  4. Lettuce-the poor man's burger. Love it!! Seriously, best of luck with your diet. :)SarahD